


Lighthouse

by rinnenotsubasa



Series: At the Heart of the Sea [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Embracing Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnenotsubasa/pseuds/rinnenotsubasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a pretty lonely job. One might wonder why someone who loves nothing more than to talk and joke with people like Soonyoung would want to be the lighthouse keeper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lighthouse

**Author's Note:**

> Some time ago I went on a boat trip. Alone (well, I was in a tour program along with about 20 strangers so _technically_ I was not alone), without books, laptop, and internet. But I had my notebook, so I decided to write anything that came across my mind while I was aboard and not in the mood for socializing (the people were nice, but once in a while I love to enjoy some me time). ‘Anything’ turned out to be ideas for Seventeen fanfics (ah hell, I’m screwed). This fic is developed from one of those ideas.

The sun was blaring right above their heads, but it was nothing that Chan couldn’t handle. He was born and raised in this island. He knew every crook of it and was familiar to all of its features: the rocky cliffs on its west side and the white sand on its east, the people with sincere smiles who can be obnoxiously loud when drunk, and of course, the scorching heat.

Chan glanced to his left. Walking on his side was a guy in his mid twenties. The guy had a black short hair with bangs. Small slanted eyes rested above a button-like nose. The guy was wearing his usual idiotic yet endearing smile (although Chan would never admit it out loud). 

It was midday. The guy, Soonyoung, had just woke up a few minutes ago when Chan came by to pick him up. Now they’re heading to Jisoo’s to have lunch (breakfast for Soonyoung). It was a usual routine in their ordinary day.

Well, maybe not so ordinary. At least not for Chan. 

“Why are you grinning like that?” Soonyoung finally realized Chan’s odd behavior and eyed Chan suspiciously, making his already small eyes look even smaller. 

“Oh, it’s nothing~” Chan said, almost singing the words. 

“Yeah, right.” Soonyoung scoffed.

“Really, Soonyoung. It’s nothing.” Chan hid his grin and put up a poker face.

“It’s like the time after you had your first kiss and you came to me with that eager face, could hardly wait to tell me.”

The poker face just turned into a blushing mess. 

“I did not! It wasn’t—I just—What are you talking about?!”

Soonyoung grinned. “Something good happen and you’re just itching to tell me.”

“Well...”

“Come on, tell me.”

“No.”

“Why not??”

“Because you’re being annoying.”

“Ow, you’re mad because I brought up the story of your first kiss, which you thought was with your crush Sumi but actually it was—“

“STOP! STOP IT!!!”

Chan’s hysterical scream did stop Soonyoung’s words, but it brought a roar of laughter from the older guy. 

“Come on. Tell me or I’ll tickle it out of you.”

“No, you won’t—Hey!” 

Soonyoung charged into Chan and grabbed his waist. After locking Chan with his arms, he moved his fingers to attack Chan’s sides, but Chan grabbed his wrists and forcefully prying his arms open. 

Now Chan stood in front of Soonyoung, once again free. A smug plastered on his face. The sight made Soonyoung pouted. He just refused to accept that this kid, whom he had known since the kid was in diapers, had grown into a strong teenager. 

Soonyoung turned to face the sea. He cast his glance towards the horizon. 

“Chan is all grown up and no longer want to share with big brother Soonyoung. Oh, life.” Soonyoung let out a (definitely fake) sob.

Chan groaned at Soonyoung’s theatrics. But before he could throw any witty reply, something at the sea caught his attention and made him let out an excited yelp.

Soonyoung turned to the direction Chan was looking. There were boats lining throughout the shore. Not an unusual view. But there was one thing that looked out of place. 

Among the boats stood a ship. It was not as huge as the foreign merchant ship that comes once in a while to their island, but this one was big and well-built enough to exude a majestic aura.

“It’s my ship!”

Soonyoung raised one of his eyebrows.

“Well, it’s not _my_ ship. It’s Captain Jun’s. But I’ll be boarding it soon.”

“You don’t need that big of a ship to go around the island, Chan.”

Chan rolled his eyes. “Of course not. Why would I circle the island anyway. You see...” Chan stopped for a dramatic pause. 

“I’m joining Captain Jun’s crew on an expedition!” Chan revealed in an excited voice. He had been wanting to go on an adventure, and he was blessed with the chance. He’s more than excited and now he’s grinning from ear to ear.

His grin didn’t last long, though. It’s because Soonyoung didn’t seem to share his excitement. The older guy didn’t even smile. Chan had never seen Soonyoung looked so cold.

**

“Choi,” Chan said as he slid into a seat at the counter, next to a boy around his age, with thick eyebrows and wavy brown hair. 

“Lee,” the boy replied with a smile. His smile was always so bright and infectious that Chan couldn’t help but smiling back. It’s weird. Chan had been putting on a gloomy face for the last few hours and nothing managed to bring smile back to his face. The wavy haired boy, Choi Hansol, just did it effortlessly.

Chan then turned to a young man behind the counter. The man had light brown hair parted on the side. His eyebrows lie thick above a pair of sparkling brown eyes. His soft pink lips are curved up into a smile.

Chan’s face turned serious. 

“Hong.”

“Lee.”

Chan propped his right arm on the counter. His index finger pointing straight up.

He said in a solemn tone, “One ice tea.”

Hansol followed right behind with a cheerful voice. “Orange juice for me!”

The man behind the counter, Hong Jisoo, nodded. “One ice tea and one orange juice coming right up!”

Chan and Hansol had just started a heated conversation about the rise of sweet potato as a popular snack when Jisoo served them their drinks.

“Jisoo, have you got the palm oil yet?” asked Hansol.

“No. I’ll just ask Soonyoung later. He should have it.”

Jisoo didn’t miss how Chan’s face turned dark at his words.

“What’s wrong?”

Chan looked at Jisoo for a while, pouting like a child (which in Jisoo’s mind he still is, even though he’s 15 this year).

“Did you two fight?”

“Well...” Chan tilted his head. “I’m not even sure, actually.”

Jisoo’s eyes widened at Chan’s answer. 

“We’ve fight before, okay. But this...” Chan wrinkled his forehead, attempting to find the right words. “This is different.” Chan ended in a sad tone.

“Different how?” Jisoo said gently.

Chan just shrugged. Jisoo didn’t push it further. Chan stayed silent for a while as Hansol patted his back.

After a sigh, Chan spoke again. “I told him about joining the expedition.”

Hansol was aware that Jisoo’s expression had turned solemn, but Chan was too occupied with his irritation that he didn’t even notice.

“He was persistent on how dangerous it is, how I shouldn’t be out on the sea. How being a sailor is not a good career option. Can you believe it? He’s a lighthouse keeper. A comrade of fishermen and sailors. How can he said that?”

Finally Chan looked at Jisoo straight in the face. The older guy was smiling, but it wasn’t his usual smile. Somehow it looked sad. Chan wondered why.

“Don’t be so harsh on him.” Jisoo said. There was not a hint of reprimand in his voice. There was only pain.

It’s confusing for Chan. He gave Jisoo a glare. “Why?”

With that smile still on his face, Jisoo said, “It’s not my story to tell.”

Chan frowned at Jisoo’s answer. Jisoo couldn’t blame him. He could only hope that eventually the young boy would understand.

**

Chan was standing at the boat, looking at the faces and the waving hands on land. He could see his mother, father and big sister, all standing close to each other and waving frantically. Not far from them stood Hansol and Jisoo, smile on their faces. 

Soonyoung was nowhere in sight.

At first he felt angry that Soonyoung didn’t come to send him off. But after calming himself down, he realized that he should’ve just visit Soonyoung and say his farewell. He was the one leaving anyway.

Regret washed over him, along with the memories of the last time he met Soonyoung. 

  


_“No.” Soonyoung’s tone was firm._

_“Why not?” Chan protested._

_Soonyoung didn’t change his tone nor the stiff look on his face. “No.”_

_Chan glared at Soonyoung. His forehead wrinkled._

_“I get to experience new things and might learn some things that I can share with the people of our island!”_

_“It won’t be all fun.”_

_Chan rolled his eyes. “I’m 15 but I’m not naïve.”_

_“You might not be back.”_

_This time Chan didn’t reply immediately. All the response he could think of just got stuck in his throat when he saw the look in Soonyoung’s eyes. The look of fear and sadness._

_After a few moments of silence, Chan said, “It’ll take some time. But I will be back.” Chan said it confidently, eyes looking straight at Soonyoung’s. Chan’s lips formed a small smile, his effort on reassurance._

_The fear and sadness in Soonyoung’s eyes remained. “You don’t know that,” he said in a small voice._

_“You don’t know that...”_

  


Chan was safe in his boat, but he felt like drowning. He was saved moments later by a voice.

“Lad.”

Chan turned to the owner of the voice. It was a man in his mid twenties, with prominent nose and serene eyes. 

“The sea won’t be kind to those who has regrets on boarding the ship,” he said in a gentle voice. 

Chan quickly swallowed all his worries and nodded towards the man, the captain of this ship, determined to show his resolution. Captain Jun’s eyes gleamed and his lips pursed into a small smile. Then he walked towards Chan, giving him a pat on the back before walking away. 

**

The sky was tinted with soft orange, Chan looked at it absentmindedly. It seemed like the sky would go on forever and ever. It was the only thing Chan could see. And water. Water, water, water. No other ships, no land. Only water and the sky. 

Chan heard footsteps and turned to see his captain stopping beside him.

“You did well.” 

They just had a particularly rough night in the storm. Chan seriously thought he was going to die. But he saw how calm Captain Jun was and got a grip of himself. 

“It was because of Captain Jun’s magnificent command. All I did was follow your orders.” Chan said. He looked at Captain Jun with respect.

Captain Jun showed his small smile that everyone in the boat had gotten familiar with. He put out his hand and patted Chan on the head. 

For a while they just stood on the deck, enjoying the feeling of wind on their skins. No words were exchanged until light had completely taken over the sky. By then something emerged from the horizon. It was a spread of dark green, lying like a sleeping dragon. Land.

Chan felt his heart skipping a beat at the sight. It was still so far, they probably won’t reach it until the sun’s almost above their heads. But Chan’s head was already filled with imagination. A foreign land, new people, new discoveries. Chan was grinning from ear to ear.

But he felt his grin faltered when a white lighthouse came into sight. It was the first time that Chan saw that lighthouse, but it brought up so many memories and emotions.

“It’s a beauty, but I like our island’s better.” Chan heard Captain Jun spoke. He could only nodded in response.

“And I don’t know about this one, but I doubt there’s any lighthouse keeper who sprouts lame puns daily like ours.” Captain Jun continued. There was glee in his voice.

Chan turned to face his captain. “You know Soonyoung?”

Captain Jun looked back at Chan. “Well, yes, I do. We go far back.”

This new piece of information surprised Chan. It also made Chan think of something, but he couldn’t decide whether to act on it or not.

It turned out that Chan didn’t have to because the captain started telling his story.

“We used to play together as kids. The three of us were practically inseparable.”

“Three?”

“Me, Soonyoung, Seungcheol.”

A confused look swept over Chan’s face. “I’ve never heard of a Seungcheol.” A sense of jealousy filled his chest. He thought he knew everything about Soonyoung.

Captain Jun was still smiling, but something changed in his gentle eyes. It was strangely familiar. Reminded Chan to Jisoo’s eyes on one night in the past.

“He hasn’t been in the island for a long time.” Jun paused. “Actually, we don’t know where he is.”

Chan wanted to let his captain know that he was listening, but Chan couldn’t even let out a hum. Thankfully, Jun continued.

“Soonyoung and I were... 15? 16? We were around your age at the time. Seungcheol a year older. Expedition wasn’t as popular within our people as it is now. We didn’t have enough knowledge and experience, so people worried. But it didn’t stop Seungcheol.” 

Jun stopped for a chuckle. “He was quite a confident person. I think it’s his charm, but Soonyoung always said it’s his most annoying trait.”

Jun’s gaze was on the lighthouse as he continued. “Parts of his boat were found near Jedu. An island four days from ours.”

Chan felt something heavy in his chest.

“We didn’t found him.”

“I’m sorry...” Chan finally managed to force some words out of his mouth.

“Soonyoung didn’t talk to me for a while when I told him I decided to embark on my own journey. But it didn’t last forever. He can never stand not talking to me.” A small smile on Jun’s lips. 

“Sometimes...” Captain Jun choked on his words. “Sometimes I dream. Maybe I’ll meet him in one of my stops. Who knows. He might’ve got washed up to some shore and decided to start a new life there.”

There was sadness in Captain Jun’s eyes, but it was not the only thing there. There was hope. 

Captain Jun said something about getting the ship ready for docking and left. Chan’s head was telling him to follow behind, but he couldn’t feel his legs. For a while he waited. During the time he wondered what Soonyoung thought every day in that lighthouse. Did he think someday the ship he’d been waiting for would appear? The thought brought pain to Chan’s chest. 

**

“Seokmin just got a lot of snapper. We can expect a feast today.” Chan said.

Soonyoung grinned. “Jisoo’s special!!” His fists punching into the air. Chan looked as if he was fed up with the world. Soonyoung could be embarrassing at times. What kind of 60 year old act like this? Hansol said that it’s okay because everyone already knows him and his antics. Chan wished he could have a tiny bit of Hansol’s positive outlook. 

Grumbling under his breath, Chan walked alongside Soonyoung to Jisoo’s place. Despite all his complaints, Chan had never missed having lunch with Soonyoung when he’s home after a voyage, and now during the lunch break since Chan had stopped going on expeditions 15 years ago and started working at a boat workshop.

As they entered Jisoo’s, someone dashed towards them and hit their legs. 

“Grandpa Chan!” the little girl said as she linked her arms over Chan’s leg. 

“Mina! Having lunch here? Mama doesn’t cook?” Chan smiled at the beaming girl. 

The girl shook her head and turned her head towards the counter. Chan saw his daughter in law and his wife waving at him. Behind the counter Jisoo was giving him a smile. 

“Mina! Where’s the hug for Grandpa Soon?” Soonyoung cooed at Mina. The little girl giggled and stormed into Soonyoung, giving him her best hug. 

Chan walked to the counter. Soonyoung followed behind, carrying Mina in his arms. They joined Chan’s family at the counter for Jisoo’s snapper soup and some nice chat.

“Okay, I’m off now. See you tomorrow!” It was almost dawn as Soonyoung got up from his chair.

“Bye, bye, Grandpa Soon. Work hard, okay?” 

Soonyoung squished Mina’s fluffy cheeks and earned a giggle. “I will, my dear!” he said with a huge smile.

Chan saw as Soonyoung turned his back and walked towards the door. When his hand was on the knob, Chan stopped him.

“Soonyoung!”

Soonyoung turned his face and looked at Chan while blinking his small eyes. That idiotic yet endearing smile still on his face. 

For years Chan never stopped wondering. Would Soonyoung get inside the lighthouse while waiting for that ship. But today Chan decided to stop his ponder. Soonyung was smiling. He’s living, healthy and smiling. Isn’t that enough?

“See you tomorrow.” Chan smiled.

Soonyoung smiled even brighter.

**Author's Note:**

> Seungcheol didn’t really appear here. Surprise! *gets kicked*
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate any feedback!


End file.
